I fucking hate liars.

I will never in my life claim to be a totally honest person. I've lied so much in the past that my nose ought to extend halfway to the moon.

I'll leave the fact of my dishonesty at that.

But people who lie for the sake of lying, or because they can't take responsibility for their actions just burns my ass like salsa with too much jalapeno. (Is there such a thing?)

Ass-burning example: girls who get pregnant, don't know who the father is, and pick the guy with the biggest bank account. Regardless of the proven fact that he physically cannot produce offspring. Honey, we see right through you. The only people that don't are the ones that are just as shady, moronic, obtuse, greedy, immoral, and irresponsible as you are. People that think that they deserve the world to be handed to them on a silver fucking platter.

"Its your baby! It can't be anyone else's! I only slept with you!"
Yeah, except for that one guy you had a one night stand with. What was his name? Tim? Tom? Matt? Who knows- he had a penis, and that's all you cared about at the time. Skank.

Here would be how you pull up your Big Girl Panties in this situation: Keep your fucking legs closed, for one! What kind of man is going to treat you like anything other than a piece of ass when you give it up to him within hours or days of meeting him? Not any kind of man you want to commit yourself to, that's for damn sure.

Second, if you must treat your body like the village bicycle, make him use a condom, dumbass! You don't know where his shit's been any more than he knows where yours has been. And any man willing to stick his naked willy in a strange snatch is a man you should think twice about letting enter your sacred temple. AKA your vajayjay. There are much worse things out there you can catch besides a bastard. Make him wrap that shit up!

I don't know how I got off on that tangent- this is supposed to be about how I hate liars. But, I feel better for saying all of it, so I'm leaving it in. I think there's some pretty witty bits in there, anyway.

What the hell is the point of lying? Eight times out of ten, you eventually get caught. It doesn't matter if you're lying to your mom about if you brushed your teeth or not, to where the fuck were you all night. Just tell the damn truth! Lying hurts other people. Lying makes you look like an idiot, and shows nothing other than that you are an untrustworthy person.

Speaking as a reformed liar, I can say all of this. Because I've been on both sides. And let me tell you something: telling the truth is damn difficult. Especially when it will potentially get you in trouble, or hurt someone you love. But the truth will eventually come out. Not only will you be in even more trouble, but the subsequent lies you've told after the original lie will have piled up, and people will be hurt- no, heartbroken. And you will be left standing alone in the middle of a pile of shit that you only have yourself to thank for. Who do you think wants to cross a field of shit just for your lying ass, shit-for-brains?

Why not just be honest in the first place? Better yet, don't fucking put yourself in a position where you feel like you must lie to get out of said position in one piece, or to make yourself out to be a person you're clearly not.

Otherwise, you'll only end up an old, hateful, lonely, mean person that no one wants to talk to. Your kids won't want anything to do with you, because you're full of shit, and they won't want to deal with the drama that follows you around like a black cloud.

Nope, you'll just spend your nights with your dick in your hand, and a picture of a girl that once thought you hung the moon- and who's heart you shattered with your lies- on the moniter in front of you.